Fate: It'll Slap You Across The Face Hard
by Treco890
Summary: When a trans-dimensional portal is built and a boy just so happens to get picked as a guinea pig, well this happens. Rated T for minor language. Romance in later chapters. Some gorey scenes as well.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: This is my first real attempt at a fanfic so please don't nag about grammatical problems, just tell me in a message or something. Also! This will probably be the only short chapter because I take pride in longer work so don't worry and as always Review! **

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Have you ever had one of those weeks where fate slapped you across the face and said "what the hell are you doing?" I've had one of those moments, and here is that story.

Hi, my names Alex and I'm a normal guy, or at least, I was, but that's not important what is important is that my friend is a scientist who called me over one day

"So what is it you wanted me to test" I asked him

"My latest invention: The Dimensional Travelerinator 4000" Rick said

"Oh goodie, so what do I have to do?" I asked. Honestly I think he's been watching too much Phineas and Ferb just because of the name.

"All you have to do is walk inside, and tell me where you want to go" he told me, excitedly

_Oh great_ was my first thought _now I can go to other dimensions, what the hell am I doing? _"Alright um take me to SpongeBob's world" I told him a little skeptical

"Ok, but watch out it listens to me but then searches your head for whatever is first on your mind" and he typed it in and pressed play, and of course what do I have to back thinking of? My Little Pony

"Daw crap" I said as I was transported away. Soon I landed after a psychedelic ACID trip, but that's not the point, the point is I landed really hard on my ass, literally.

"Ow, are you Chuck?" I asked my donkey "Yeah I thought so" I replied for him

"Hey what happened to free speech" he asked me getting up "Suddenly Ponyville is a communism?"

"How are you talking" I asked a tad bit scared

"I don't know, why are you a fucking unicorn?" He asked me a little bit angry.

"I'm sor- wait what?" I said when I looked at my hand to see it was a hoof "oh crud' is all I could say when I suddenly saw a hot air balloon come down and land next to me.

"Are you ok? That was quite a fall" the unicorn in the hot air balloon asked me before running over

"Um yeah" I said but I was thinking _holy crap I'm talking to Twilight Sparkle, play it cool and don't mention anything pop culture _

"Great. I'm Twilight Sparkle by the way" Twilight said to me before getting back into her balloon "well come on I don't bite"

"Oh yeah thanks" I said as I got in "So where are we going?" I asked a little curious

"Why back to my library of course" Twilight said as we took off.

Well like I said: What the hell am I doing moment. Anyway what will happen to me? What will happen to Rick? And what will happen to Captain Jack Sparrow without his rum? Find out in the next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2: Confusion, Yay!

**Hello once again audience, last time I got dropped into Ponyville and now I get slapped in the face by fate. Again.**

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Fate Chapter 2: Confusion, Yay!

As I got out of Twilights balloon or borrowed balloon I guess I suddenly felt a very painful well, pain in my legs and chest.

"OW! Yep they're broken" I said falling forward and grimacing at the pain I was now experiencing in the front half of my body, every muscle and nerve aching to be ended.

"Oh no! Come on, we need to get you to the hospital" Twilight said to me as she picked me up with magic and put me on her back, I could tell I was heavier than she expected because she let out a little oof as I landed on her back.

I must've passed out a few minutes after that because when I woke up I was in the hospital and my first thought was _that was the strangest dream ever _and then I gained full consciousness to see seven faces staring, Twilight, her friends and Spike, her little dragon assistant I knew from the show.

Let's just say that that was fates second slap to the face, and it hurt. A LOT! Trust me I've been slapped a lot in my days, but a pony slap by an over excited Pinkie Pie will really wake you up from a comatose state.

"OW!" I shouted putting my hand well hoof to my face to feel the burning sensation in my cheek "what was that for?" I asked, raising an octave to get my point across. I just don't understand ponies sometimes.

"I wanted to make sure you were awake" said Pinkie Pie hopping around the room like Pepé Le Pew chasing that cat from the old Looney Toons cartoons. "Besides, I felt obligated to say WELCOME TO PONYVILLE!" she shouted that last part to get the point across I guess.

"Now, now sugar cube, no need to scare the bejeebers out of him" said Applejack, the only distinctly southern pony of the group. "He just woke up from a three day coma and that's how you treat him?" _Wait, THREE DAY COMA holy Jesus above on a stick, that's another slap to the face _I thought to myself before saying "Did you say three DAY?" "Yes sir" AJ told me.

A few hours passed with them giving me a, pardon for the military terms, SITREP, on the things that had happened and why I was out cold for three days.

"Well it was a lot worse than it looked so the doctors induced a medical coma for three days to let you recover from all of well, this" Twilight told me before she started out

"Wait before you go, what's my name?" I asked her, sounding a little bit silly but asking anyway. "Regal Charmer, a fine name at that, why, don't you know your own name?" she asked me jokingly.

"Well, it's a somewhat mediumly-long story that I will tell you all about when I get out of this god forsaken place" I said chuckling a little at the end, even though it was a really strange thing to say. In all honestly though, I hate hospitals, after everything that happened to me and my friends in the stories I wrote before I became a pony, and then I realized that I left my laptop in my bag that I brought with me because I wasn't sure what would happen.

After another 2 days of physical therapy I was released from the hospital and I decided it would be best to go to Twilights tree library but when I got there it was dark, and I had a hunch I knew what was going on, but I just decided to let it go and enjoy the oncoming surprise party and sure enough, when I opened the door, everypony jumped out at me shouting surprise.

It was all fun for about 25 minutes when the power suddenly went out and the main door was kicked open. "Oh crap" I said in the dark to myself, knowing that an old enemy had found me.

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**I hope you enjoyed that chapter because I plan to make alot more where this came from**


	3. Chapter 3: Explanations and Romance

Chapter 3: Explanations

If you don't recall what happened last time here is a recap: _After another 2 days of physical therapy I was released from the hospital and I decided it would be best to go to Twilights tree library but when I got there it was dark, and I had a hunch I knew what was going on, but I just decided to let it go and enjoy the oncoming surprise party and sure enough, when I opened the door, everypony jumped out at me shouting surprise._

_It was all fun for about 25 minutes when the power suddenly went out and the main door was kicked open. "Oh crap" I said in the dark to myself, knowing that an old enemy had found me._

So in the dark I used my magic to light up the room before grabbing my knife which I always keep sheathed to the inside of my leg, well back leg now I guess, but not the point my point is I sent my magic going everywhere to keep the area lit up in time to see my foes charge at me with knives of their own.

"Fuck, I thought these guys were dead" I said to myself before jumping off a wall to avoid a slash from the leaders blade before landing like in the movies while he fell to the floor, bleeding profusely from his head.

I didn't have time to examine my kill because soon I was fighting off another one. He slashed at me but I ducked and kicked, or bucked as Applejack would say, him in his well um for lack of a better word scrotum (ball sack). After he fell I ran passed him, tearing his side open and spilling his lower intestine on the floor.

The third and final assailant then, seeing me kill his partners, dropped the knife and ran. I never gave him the chance as I used magic to snap his neck, quick and painless. I then noticed everyone looking at me.

"Get out of here you guys, I need to do some private explaining" I said to the guests before trotting out the door to get my story straight. _Ok now how am I gonna say this? I can't just say "hi I'm from a different dimension with a group of trained assassins after me" that would just sound weird._

I was quickly interrupted by Twilight talking to me. "REGAL!" she snapped at me

"Who what, I'm up" I said, startled getting up. "Oh yeah, come on I'll try to explain this best I can without being scary" I said getting up.

So inside I shut the door, locked the windows and closed the curtains before my mediumly-long story.

"Look first I have to say I'm not from this dimension, I'm from another place called, and well that's not important. Anyway the reason I asked what my name was because I thought it would sound weird if I was walking saying 'hi my names Alexander Czarnecki, what's yours?' are you following along so far?" she nodded "Ok good" I continued "and I was brought here by my friend Rick who made this trans-dimensional transporter thingy and I ended up here" I said finishing up

"But what about the assassins who tried to kill you" Twilight asked me after a minor silence

"Oh yeah that, well I don't know how THEY got here but their an organization called the RASP, Radical Assassins Service Program and I kinda killed their head of staff on a mission because I'm also a secret agent, or was at least, and I had been running sabotage missions on them and now they kinda want me dead" I said finishing my story. "Now we should um clear out the bodies before they start to stink"

So we cleared out the bodies and cleaned up the blood and it was REALLY messy, but anyway after we were done I found my bag, Twilight told me she took it and kept in the closet for me, and I thanked her. I found my wallet in the bag and pulled out a picture I kept in there for good luck, me holding a trophy I won in baseball.

"That's me, from where I'm from" I said handing her the picture. I wasn't anything special, 5'4, 121 pounds, 13 years old, dark blonde hair, and I a huge ass brain filled with knowledge on just about every major modern military conflict from the American Revolution to the newest Iraq war, and I told Twilight that last part and she looked up at me.

"You like reading and learning?" she asked me with a glint in her eye. "Um yeah, I love reading and writing" I replied that's when she ran up and hugged me "finally someone who understands" "um what?" I asked a little confused on what she meant. "None of my other friends like reading or learning, so now I have someone to talk to!"

We didn't really talk that much later on that night, but I realized when she hugged me that she had the best smelling hair in the world, and I then thought that I was in love. _No that's crazy, I've only known for a few days_ I scolded myself, then I remembered the show and said "Oh yeah" "What?" Twilight asked me, coming up from behind me out of the main library. "Oh nothing" I replied

A few hours later I was laying on the floor of Twilights bedroom while she was sleeping and I decided to pull out my laptop to continue writing my story, the only problem would be getting it. Twilight was kind of wondering about it and now it was under her pillow, but because I had been through 4 years of stealth training I could easily get out from under her pillow.

I then creeped silently downstairs to the kitchen, pulled up a chair and began writing. I couldn't really think of anything to write so I just started a new chapter on my book I was currently writing called Months.

...

I woke up the next morning to find Twilight staring at me. "Ugh what happened" I said when I saw he not looking at me, but at my book. I got up a little embarrassed.

"Heh, it's not the best story out there, but I think it's coming along nicely" I said getting up so she could read it more. "It's not that good you're right, but I like it" she said taking her eyes off the computer screen to look at me "I think you'd make a very good author" she said to me "Oh well thank you Twilight" feeling a little awkward and wondering when I fell asleep "I kinda based it off a dream I had a while ago" I said. It was then that she let me have it "Alex" she said calling me by my real name "I love you too"

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**I love plot twists, don't you? Anyway thanks for reading another exciting chapter Fate Will Slap You in the Face. Hard**


	4. Chapter 4: Uh

**This was a fun chapter to make so I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.**

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Fate Chapter 4: Uh…

I stood there in shock for a moment trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened when I just teleported myself into the Everfree Forest and screamed YES! At the top of my lungs before returning back.

"Sorry about that" I said giving a little nervous laugh before coughing. "So um, how did you figure out this life changing news?" I asked her a little curious in all honestly, I mean sure with a pony name like Regal Charmer I'm not surprised but still, I was caught a little off guard.

"Well um I saw the poem you wrote on your computer and it raised feelings in me that I never felt before" She told me, blushing profusely.

I just smiled before saying "love is a very strange thing isn't it?" I then moved closer and hugged her (Note I will not show the poem because um well this was all ad lib and I actually have no poem, just thought I'd put that out there) and she hugged me back.

After I ended the embrace I asked her when she started having feelings for me and she told me the story.

"Well I think it all started when I was carrying you to the hospital, you're very heavy by the way, and I'm not sure if I felt this out of sympathy or what but I just felt all warm and fuzzy inside until you passed out I think, then I just walked in silence to the hospital"

"Wait whawhoawhoahay. You WALKED?" I said a little shocked. "I had possible internal bleeding and possible lung puncture and you WALKED?"

"Yeah, I guess, please don't hurt me" Twilight said with a small voice. That's when I realized that I had drawn my knife and now was holding it with no apparent purpose. "Huh what, oh sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, by instinct when I get mad I want to stab someone" I said putting my knife away.

Anyway she told me why she walked and I guess I saw the logic in it. "Yeah I guess the weight of my awesome does slow people down*" (*True Story) "Yeah you keep telling yourself that" Twilight told me when suddenly the power went out. Again. "Oh come on I said drawing my knife for good measure, but it was just a power outage because Rainbow Dash flew through the open window.

"Are you guys ok? Derpy made another Pegasi mad and he kicked the cloud he was on and he caused a lightning bolt to hit the main grid" Rainbow Dash continued before I stopped her. "Ok, I think we get it. Rainbo- RAINBOW!" I shouted finally, getting frustrated. "Yeah? Oh sorry I'm rambling again aren't I?" she said before shutting up and blushing. I just smiled and wondered why I had such strange friends, then I remembered 'oh yeah I'm weird' that little thought made me laugh a little, making Twilight and Rainbow Dash look at me. "What's so funny?" Rainbow Dash asked a little angry, obviously thinking I was laughing at her "Huh, oh I just had an irrelevant thought, it's nothing really" I said seriousing up after I saw the angry looks on their faces. I was about to explain what made me chuckle when there was faces when there was an explosion from downstairs. I instinctively pushed them down, grabbed my gun from my other leg sheath and ran downstairs. Gunshots arose, ensued, and were overcome.

I walked back up the stairs calmly and said "I'm in a little bit of pain right now" before collapsing from 2 gunshot wounds to the side.

I had a strange drugged up comatose dream that I really don't think is to appropriate for this story, but it involved sex, lots of sex, and a gunfight, let's just say I will never do drugs in my life, after that dream. When I woke up I saw three masked faces and I felt like I was in the music video for Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold but I could hear them talking about my recovery

I sat up to see that I had a whole bunch of tubes a wires sticking out of me and I had to close my eyes to keep from puking. Then the doctors said that I could see visitors, well not to me but I heard from out in the hall. The first guest was Twilight.

"Hi, how are you feeling?" She asked worried and I could tell she hadn't gotten much sleep. "Oh I've been better I guess, getting shot hurts a lot" I replied before sitting back up and looking at her, it was then she kissed me. I wasn't prepared of course, but it still felt good. I kind of wish it were under different circumstances then me, laying a hospital bed after just waking up from a comatose state.

"So what happened down there?" Twilight asked me, breaking away. "Well I guess you could say shit hit the fan really quick…"

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**Im so evil I know, just review it I guess**


	5. Chapter 5: Shit Hit the Fan

Fate Chapter 5: Shit Hit the Fan

So I told the story of what happened to Twilight and here's how it went down I guess:

I grabbed my gun out of my bag and sheathed it to my left back leg and drew it before I went down the stairs, well more hovered down the stairs for stealth reasons I guess. Anyway I basically crawled through the room with the gun in my mouth as I saw fire from the explosion engulf the doorway while the head honcho was barking commands at his ponies. I silenced my gun and shot him between the eyes, unfortunately I was spotted so I went loud and fired some more. There was one small problem though, they had fucking MACHINE GUNS, not some dinky smg no, RP FUCKING D'S! (Pardon my language) So I had to duck for cover while thinking to myself _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!_ As I popped up and fired at them with my pistol, hitting 2 of them, but getting hit twice in the side by a fourth guncolt, and I turned around and fired the rest of my clip into him before going back upstairs.

"And that's how we got to where we are now" I said ending the story. I knew it wasn't the most descriptive but it explained how shit hit the fan.

"Well that's a mighty intrestin' story ya tell" Applejack told me after I told her the story. "Well, it's not the most pleasant but hey it's my account as the only one still alive, I say what goes. Just then the power went out, again again. "These guys just don't know how to give up" I said reaching into my bag with my magic and applied my hidden blades.

It was about five minutes before I got the strength to heal myself and get up. All I can say is that using hidden blades while on four legs is really difficult but I had to it, lives depended on it. So I sneaked around a little and the worse-case scenario hit me, all my friends were gone, g o n e, GONE!

I knew that shit just got real so I pulled my hoodie out of my bag, grabbed said bag, and continued on my way in the direct sunlight and heat of an Equestria Summer. I ran into the slightly burned out library and grabbed the rest of my stuff that I took out of my bag and ran out.

I now had a double belt of throwing knives strapped to my back and a sword under my hoodie next to my dual wield pistols and shotgun. Overkill you say? I've been through this drill so many times I grab these things by instinct. The only one of my friends not taken was Spike.

"Come on, I'm a good fighter" he begged to me to get to come along. "No means no Spike, and besides, I've got a bone to pick with these idiots, and I'd prefer to avoid any unnecessary deaths/injuries along the way" I said checking to make sure I had extra knives and ammo "besides, I'm packing enough heat to kill Princess Celestia and all her guards, think I can handle myself" I said before pulling up my hood and walking out the door, leaving Spike with a worried look on his face and a glint of fear in his eye.

I made my way to the Everfree Forest as fast as I could while drawing as little attention as possible, which was really hard considering I was wearing a hoodie with the hood up, dual hidden blades and a mask that had become my signature look, a hat and bandana covering ¾ of my head.

As I reached the forest I lowered my hood, drew my shotgun and walked inside, keeping my gun at the ready. Even though I had four legs, I had been so used to walking on two that I figured out how to balance myself and walk like a human unfortunately, so did the RASP agents.

I cursed under my breath when I came across a fence that was clearly electric and I knew I had reached my destination. Pulling my hood back up and cutting the fence with my hidden blade, even though it was electrocuted, I covered it in a protective coating to be able to withstand electric shock of any kind. So I cut open the fence and crawled through, standing up and drawing my pistols, my better weapons and running up to the buildings wall and started climbing.

When I reached the top I found a sunroof and let all hell break loose. But that's a story for next chapter.

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**Sorry if these chapters seem a little short, I've had school work and writers block up the wazoo and it isn't fun **


	6. Chapter 6: When the Going Gets Tough

Fate Chapter 6: When The Going Gets Tough...

I kicked in the sunroof and fired my shotgun, hitting the guy directly below me and hopped down, landing on his body and stabbing the two guys next to him with my hidden blades.

I got up drew my pistols and fired a clip from each before I holstered them and ran to a hallway, where I found 20 RASP assassins waiting for me.

After making quick work of them I ran to a door and kicked it in, shooting the two immediate guards and ran into the interrogation room. It should of said torture room because that's what I saw: Twilight and her friends being tortured, then I was hit over the head and all went dark.

When I woke up I was hanging from the ceiling and I noticed that Rarity and Applejack were gone and I feared the worst. Then, then head honcho walked up to me and began talking to me.

"Ah hello Alex, long time no see, as you can tell we have quite the operation here. Now, as much as I want to kill you now for all you've done to us, I feel I should make you worry" he then turned and pulled out a gun and pointed it at Applejack, who had been led in.

I knew what was coming so I decided to let them in on a little secret. "Hey, wanna hear a secret?" I asked the leader who lowered the gun and turned "what" he asked annoyed "you're dead" I said before shooting him in the head.

Now before I go on let me back up, they had me tied up so I could hang a few inches below the ceiling, so I cut the rope with my hidden blades and used my magic to levitate there, quite ingenious really.

After they're leader was down I threw three of my knives at the others and pulled out my shotgun and prepared to fight of the next group. There was a problem, I realized right away, there was no noise. I turned to find that they already killed Applejack, slit her throat.

I then felt all my anger boil over and I didn't even wait, I walked into the hallway, drew my pistols and prepared to ran hell on these idiots. They soon surrounded me and left me wondering how they got here anyway. I then realized it.

Rick. He had been working with them all along. He needed to get me into a world where they could hit me with surprise and they did it pretty good. I swore under my breath and as I did that the other leader told me to lower my weapons.

He asked so I complied, somewhat. I dropped my pistols and stabbed the two guards with my hidden blades before running through another and duckin into a room preparing to destroy them. As they opened the door I kicked it open the rest of the way and stabbed the lead assassin with my sword.

A few blood spewing moments later I was chasing down the main guy I guess, and he tripped and I killed him while still running. I managed to find the others, except Twilight. I ran into a room to find one of the guys throwing a knife into her, and she yelled out in pain. I then went on to stab, unload three pistol clips, a shotgun shell and a sword thrust into him before turning my attention to Twilight.

The knife had gone into her stomach, I had to leave it there to prevent the bleeding to increase, so I used my magic to slow her pulse to keep her from bleeding too much. "Alex, please don't let me die" she said barely a whisper "I would never do that" I replied before cutting her down and putting her on my back and running out.

"Rainbow, take her and the others and get out, I've got one last thing to do" I said when got to the others "you got it" she replied, I then put Twiligh on her back and she ran off with the others. I turned to find 35 RASP agents pointing guns at me. I just smirked and detonated the explosives i had planted in the room I ducked into.

As they all turned to look, I ran the other way, knowing I had about 5 minutes before the place blew sky high so I found the garage and stole a car that they somehow got into the world.

I didn't have time to worry about so I hopped in and sped off, killing three RASPS in the process. When I got out the place exploded so I had to hurry to avoid being part of it. I drove as fast as I could muttering fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck this is not good, so I bailed out and teleported a safe distance away, just as the main boiler exploded.

Now, all I could do is hope to god that the others got out ok too.

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**Heh heh, I hate cliffhangers, don't you?**


	7. Chapter 7: Interlude Part 1

Fate Chapter 7: Interlude Part 1

**I decided that this story was getting a little too awesome and would end too soon so I decided to add a few ****interlude chapters, this will be Twilight's POV of the last two chapters.**

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(Twilight's POV)

The hospital went dark and I knew something was up, then I felt someone grab me, put something over my mouth and I blacked out. When I woke up I was in what seemed like a carriage, but it was going much too fast to be one.

As I came too I saw that Applejack was next to me and had a "WTF?" look on her face, and I'm sure I did too but I didn't really notice. I tried to move my hoofs but figured out that they were tied together, than I heard the driver talking to me.

"I thought I heard you waking up back there. It's a shame you must die so soon, I thought we could have fun together" the driver said looking in the mirror, he wore a ski mask and had a scar over his right eye.

I tried to talk but then I realized that my mouth was covered in a rag and I couldn't talk, so I just sat back and tried not to think about the things they would do to my friends when we got to wherever we were going, and I felt a little tear run down my cheek as I thought _God Alex, please hurry_

After another 15 minutes or so the car stopped and the driver pushed us out of the car, and I saw Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie being led out of 2 other cars and led inside same as us.

I was then pushed into a room and tied from the ceiling and I saw that they had done the same thing to the others and they all looked around with "how did we get stuck in this mess" looks on their faces.

Rainbow was the first to speak up. "Hey Twi, can't you just teleport us out of here?" "I wish I could, but the jerks put magic locks around my wrists" I replied, dismayed. I realized that there hadn't been any movement outside the room for a while and I thought that it was like, what's the place called, Pripyat? Oh well

A few minutes later a RASP agent burst in, holding his bleeding arm and shouted something in Russian that sounded a little bit like "Получить сволочь отсюда" (Get the scum out of here) and they pulled us out of the room and began to move us across the hall when Alex burst in to see the scene, then he was hit above the head and we were led across the hall, all of us except Applejack.

When we got across the hall we were hung up again, well I was at least; the others were led to other rooms, probably to be killed like Applejack. I just looked in front of me and saw an executer grab a few knives from the table next to him and I knew what was coming next.

That's when it happened, I heard voices from the hall and I guess the executer did too because he quickly grabbed a knife and threw it at me as the door flew open and Alex charged in. The knife hit me square in the gut, but I remained conscious long enough to see Alex unload three pistol clips, and a shotgun blast into him, than I blacked out.

I regained consciousness a few times on the way to the hospital, but only for a few seconds each, but from what I could make out from it, Rainbow was carrying me on her back, with the others, out of a RASP prison facility that was about to explode, I know this because Alex told it to me in my I guess comatose state.

I had a strange comatose dream that, judging by what my friends told me, wasn't too far from reality, ok it was pretty far from reality, but I guess I will have to tell you about that in the next interlude chapter. Hehe, screw the fourth wall.

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******heheh, I had some fun thinking up this one, and I hope you guys like it too.**


	8. Chapter 8: Comatose

Fate Chapter 8: Comatose

**In case you don't recall, last chapter ended with Twilights comatose dream**

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(Dream Twilights POV)

I was riding on Rainbow Dash's back, walking through a field of flowers when I woke up. She felt my disturbance and stopped to look at me. I wondered what was going on, when she let me off her back.

"Dash, what are we doing out here?" I asked stretching, seeing as I just woke up from a very strange dream. (Heh, a dream inside a dream. Inception) "Um I want to tell you something" said Rainbow with a little bit of edginess on her voice.

I then realized what was coming and I felt my face get hot and I knew I was blushing and things just got awkward.

"I take it you know what I'm gonna say" said Rainbow with an even bigger blush on her face. She started moving forward and as they leaned in…

(Real Alex's POV)

_Godammit when will she wake up? _I thought to myself as I paced around the hospital hallway. After about 10 minutes of doing this I got bored and decided to practice my knife throwing. So I went outside and took out my big paper and paint from my saddle bags and I got out my paint and painted a target on the paper before getting out my knives and strapping them to my back.

As I turned around I was surprised to see Applebloom, Applejacks sister. "Oh um hi Applebloom, what's going on?" I asked dropping the knife I was carrying. "I just came to see Twilight n' I saw you out here so I decided to say hi" she replied with a smile on her face.

We talked for a good ten minutes before she said goodbye and walked into the hospital. I just watched her go and picked up my knife and walked to my imaginary line, and threw it. I readied another and threw it, hitting the one I already threw, breaking it.

"Dios mio" I muttered to myself, I looked at the knife and decided that I couldn't fix it, so that meant I had to replace, which would take a good two weeks once I could find a blacksmith forge or something. Then I got a brilliant idea.

It took me about two hours but I built my own trans-dimensional thingy and I made sure it worked and as I was working Rainbow Dash flew behind me and landed. "What are you doing?" she asked me "testing my trans-dimensional teleporter thingymajigger because I need some things" I replied turning around. "I'm going home for a few days basically"

Rainbow Dash looked at me funny then asked "Can I come?" I was a tad bit surprised by her question but I just thought about it for a few seconds before saying "yeah sure why not. Just be careful, things on Earth are a lot different than they are here, I'll tell you all about it when we get there though" and with that I grabbed her front hoof and ran through the portal.

When I opened my eyes, because I closed them because it's really bright, I saw that I was in the park a few blocks away from my house. I looked around and saw Rainbow Dash, who now looked human except for her rainbow hair, looking around curiously.

"So um, where are we? And why is your hair blonde? I thought it was black" she asked, and I realized I left my hat in my sleeve on my hoodie, so I grabbed it and put it on. "We're in Carroll Park, come on my house is a few blocks away" and I led her down the street, telling her about Earths etiquette.

"So let me get this straight: I can't fly, I have these hand things now, it's a lot more dangerous and people are incredibly judgmental. Sounds delightful" Rainbow said as we walked up to my porch. "Yeah, you get used to it after a while" I said opening the door and walking in.

I showed her around the house, she seemed really pleased by the basement because of my treadmill, and then she asked me where my parents were "oh um they're not here anymore" I replied nervously before walking up to my room. As I closed the door I let out a sigh and slumped against my door, then I saw a flash outside and I dove out of the way as a snipers bullet broke my window and crashed into the door.

I immediately grabbed a suitcase from my closet, pulled out and assembled a 7.62X51 M40 and aimed for the flash and fired, taking the snipers head off. As soon as I fired my shot Rainbow ran up. "What the hay is going on?" she asked anxious and scared "I told you it aint safe here" and I stood up and got my stuff together.

When I was done I had a gray fedora, trench coat, 2 .44 revolvers, and my hidden blades and I told Rainbow Dash that today this war ends. "What war?" she asked me quizzically, I sighed and began my long story "This all started 20 years ago when the RASP terrorist group was founded and bombed the US embassy in China, creating a conflict that almost led to nuclear war"

I paused to take a breath.

"America soon negotiated without firing a shot, leading to the creation of the agency called PHAT, People's Homes Against Terrorism, I joined two years ago. I was running sabotage runs against RASP for three months before I accidently shot they're Lieutenant, thus starting a blood vendetta against PHAT. The chief had me become a trained assassin to fight the insurrection started by a few rogue agents who performed a Coup d'état with the current RASP command, who were always finicky with trans-dimensional travel. I soon was called to my "friend" Rick's house to test it out, and we both know the rest" As I finished my story Dash was staring at me with a _da fuq?_ Look on her face.

…

A few hours of heavy fighting ensued and we approached Rick's house under heavy fire, but with armor support. As we broke through the door I saw Rick run through a portal, the same one I went through to get to Equestria, and I saw a bomb planted next to it, counting down from 10.

I cursed under my breath, radioed in chief and told him that I was going in. I then grabbed her hand and ran through the portal as the bomb exploded.

**END OF CHAPTER 8**


	9. Chapter 9: Vendetta

Fate Chapter 9: Vendetta

I opened my eyes to see that I was a different colt then last time I went through the portal, now I was a strange desert camouflage mix of yellows and browns and I still had my trench coat and fedora on, and Rainbow was still recovering next to me as well.

I got up and rubbed my head realizing that we were outside the hospital and I saw that nothing changed, meaning all time stood still while I was on Earth, pretty good info honestly. That's when Dash tapped my shoulder and asked me a question

"What happened to a few days?" she asked a little sarcastically with an obvious smirk on her face "you know damn well what happened" I replied

I laughed at my reply and I walked into the hospital with Dashie in tow. After we went through the front desk shenanigans we went to see Twilight, who had made a remarkably fast recovery. I told her and the others what happened and they seemed about as confused as me on the whole coat change.

Then I saw the lights flicker and I knew what was gonna happen. I quickly drew my combat knife and used my magic to light up the room as RASP killed the power... again. Then the three assassins ran in but I was already running towards the doorway and I stabbed them all as they ran in. Then the worst possible event happened: I was caught off guard.

I was by the door and then five more assassins burst through the window and prepared to slaughter my friends. I used my magic to put up a magic shield, unfortunately I was too late and Pinkie was hit, and I knew she was mortally wounded, if not dead already from a neck shot.

At that exact second I felt all my anger burst out. I felt my body glow and change, and before I knew it I was floating. That must've fucked with the RASPS heads because they bolted, but I didn't let them. I soon felt myself flying, that's right not hovering, flying after them and I took two of my extra "explode on contact grenades" and pulled the pins. It was REALLY messy. Then I felt myself cool down

When I landed I looked at my hoof and coat and I realized that I had basically transformed. My coat went from desert camouflage to pitch black, I had grown fucking wings and my cutie mark changed from a sports symbol to a crown with a knife through it. Let's just say I got weird looks when I got back to the room.

The others were already mourning Pinkies loss so you can imagine some of the looks I got when I walked back into the room with a different colored coat, features of an alicorn and a very violent cutie mark.

Twilight was the first to speak up. "So are you like royalty or something?" she asked me and I shook my head saying that my anger got the best of me and I transformed into my current state.

Then Rarity got the brilliant idea to have Rainbow Das teach me how to fly. It took us about 7 hours of nonstop practice before we got it down pat but I was getting pretty good at it when Spike ran up and said that he needed to see Twilight at that instant.

"Ok I'll tell her" and I flew up to the window and told her that Spike was here and that it was urgent. She ran down the stairs and Spike told her that Princess Celestia demanded an audience with them.

We all went and Dash and I flew there, talking about this and that while trying to guess what the meeting was about. It turns out we have a lot in common, we both like sports, rock music and competition.

When we got to the castle then I was rushed into the throne room and when I got my sense back I realized that Luna wasn't there. I was about to ask her where her sister was when I got interrupted by her opening conversation.

"I need your help Alex" she told me in a calm voice "what is it malady?" I asked standing fully at attention to hear and absorb all her words. "The assassins you brought here tried to kill Luna" she said. I immediately felt a little angry "I didn't bring them here, I was hoodwinked into making sure they could get here" I replied calmly.

"That's not the point Alex, I need your help" she boomed standing up "you must kill their leader at any costs" she said before calming down and sitting down

"That's why I'm here your majesty" I replied politely

"There is one more thing" she said, a little softer than before. "What is it?" I asked a little surprised by her continuing "you are a prince" she said "and I am your mother"

Oh. Shit.

* * *

**Hows that for a plot twisting cliffhanger?**


	10. Chapter 10: Alex Czarnecki and the Quest

Chapter 10: Alex Czarnecki and the Quest for the Holy Grail (Part 1)

I just stared at her with my mouth agape with an "are you retarded?" look on my face. As it turns out, the others were let in just as she said that and let's just say that it was a little awkward.

"Excuse me, did I hear that right? Did you say you're his MOTHER?" asked a just as confused as I am Rainbow Dash. "Um I think she did" I reply still unable to move. "Just please calm down and let me explain" said the princess and we all sat down and prepared for story time.

**WARNING THE FOLLOWING SECTION CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED**

"It all started about 13 years ago when I was depressed about how I was going to go through another winter wrap-up that was running late and I had a few too many drinks" She stopped as if to recollect the memories "I was at the bar when a dashing colt walked up next to me and we started talking. The next thing I remember is lying in bed alone feeling sticky in that area (you know what I'm talking about) and 4 weeks later out comes Alex. I can't let people know so I use my magic to teleport to another dimension and as fate would have it, here he is again"

**CONGRATS YOU SURVIVED.**

I tried to wrap my head around it when Princess Luna speaks up from behind us "I have something to say" "what is it sister?" asks Celestia a little surprised. "I've been researching these "RASP" people and I found that the only way to truly kill them here is to use the blood of a foul tempered rodent pour over your weapons from the Holy Grail." "I see where this is going" I say before sighing.

Our first stop is a castle that I know all too well.

ALEX: Halt! Hallo! Hallo!

GUARD: 'Allo! Who is zis?

ALEX: It is King Alex, and these are the Knights of the Round

Table. Who's castle is this?

GUARD: This is the castle of Our Master Guy de Loimbard

ALEX: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God

with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the

night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.

GUARD: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen...

Uh, he's already got one, you see?

ALEX: What?

RARITY: He says they've already got one!

ALEX: Are you sure he's got one?

GUARD: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a [To Other Guards] I told him we already got one.

OTHER GUARDS: [Laughing]

ALEX: Well, um, can we come up and have a look?

GUARD: Of course not! You are English types-a!

ALEX: Well, what are you then?

GUARD: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you

silly king!

RARITY: What are you doing in Equestria?

GUARD: Mind your own business!

ALEX: If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle

by force!

GUARD: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your

bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called

Alex-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets. Thppppt!

RARITY: What a strange person.

ALEX: Now look here, my good man!

GUARD: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal

food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother

was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

RARITY: Is there someone else up there we could talk to?

GUARD: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

ALEX: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable.

GUARD: (Fetchez la vache.)

wha?

GUARD: (Fetchez la vache!)

[moo]

ALEX: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-

[twong]

[mooooooo]

Jesus Christ!

After a few moments of mass hysteria we were forced to run away. As we trotted away, utterly disheartened by the ferocity of the French taunting we come across another castle and I see someone so I tell the others to stay back as I rode up.

ALEX: Old woman!

FANCYPANTS: Man!

ALEX: Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over there?

FANCYPANTS: I'm thirty seven.

ALEX: What?

FANCYPANTS: I'm thirty seven - I'm not old!

ALEX: Well, I can't just call you `Man'.

FANCYPANTS: Well, you could say `Fancypants'.

ALEX: Well, I didn't know you were called `Fancypants.'

FANCYPANTS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?

ALEX: I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind

you looked-

FANCYPANTS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!

ALEX: Well, I AM king...

FANCYPANTS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By

exploitin' the workers - by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma

which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society!

If there's ever going to be any progress-

WOMAN: Fancy, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh - how d'you do?

ALEX: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

Who's castle is that?

WOMAN: King of the who?

ALEX: The Britons.

WOMAN: Who are the Britons?

ALEX: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.

WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous

collective.

FANCYPANTS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.

A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-

WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.

FANCYPANTS: That's what it's all about if only people would-

ALEX: Please, please good people. I am in haste. Who lives

in that castle?

WOMAN: No one live there.

ALEX: Then who is your lord?

WOMAN: We don't have a lord.

ALEX: What?

FANCYPANTS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take

it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

ALEX: Yes.

FANCYPANTS: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified

at a special biweekly meeting.

ALEX: Yes, I see.

FANCYPANTS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-

ALEX: Be quiet!

FANCYPANTS: -but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-

ALEX: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

WOMAN: Order, eh - who does he think he is?

ALEX: I am your king!

WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.

ALEX: You don't vote for kings.

WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?

ALEX: The Lady of the Lake,

[angels sing]

her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur

from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,

Alex, was to carry Excalibur.

[singing stops]

That is why I am your king!

FANCYPANTS: Listen - strange women lying in ponds distributing swords

is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power

derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical

aquatic ceremony.

ALEX: Be quiet!

FANCYPANTS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power

just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

ALEX: Shut up!

FANCYPANTS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just

because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd

put me away!

ALEX: Shut up! Will you shut up!

FANCYPANTS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.

ALEX: Shut up!

FANCYPANTS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system!

HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!

ALEX: Bloody peasant!

FANCYPANTS: Oh, what a giveaway. Did you here that, did you here that,

eh? That's what I'm on about - did you see him repressing me,

you saw it didn't you?

"Let's go, this place is full of loonies" I say and we begin on our way again.

It isn't long until we come upon a forest and as we approach we hear fighting and then I see a knight in all black armor standing there. I take the initiative.

ALEX: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me

in my Court of Camelot.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, guys.

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ALEX: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.

ALEX: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must

cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.

ALEX: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.

ALEX: So be it!

[hah]

[parry thrust]

[ALEXR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

ALEX: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.

ALEX: A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.

ALEX: Well, what's that then?

BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.

ALEX: You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy!

[hah]

[parry thrust]

[ALEX chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

ALEX: Victory is mine!

[kneeling]

We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-

[hah]

BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.

ALEX: What?

BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!

ALEX: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?

ALEX: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.

ALEX: Look!

BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.

[bang]

ALEX: Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!

ALEX: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!

[whop]

BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that!

ALEX: You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere!

ALEX: What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!

ALEX: You're a loony.

BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs!

Have at you! Come on then.

[whop]

[ALEX chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT: All right; we'll call it a draw.

ALEX: Come, guys.

BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow

bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you.

I'll bite your legs off!

And we continued on our quest for the holy grail.

* * *

**In case you didn't know, the script parts come _Monty Python and the Holy Grail, _a movie i don't own the rights to, but I use the script portion only for fair use and all rights belong to the Monty Python crew.**

**Links to respective scenes: French Taunting: .com/watch?v=A8yjNbcKkNY**

**Constitutional Peasant: .com/watch?v=JvKIWjnEPNY&feature=relmfu**

**Black Knight: .com/watch?v=dhRUe-gz690&feature=relmfu**


	11. Chapter 11:Alex and the Holy Grail 2

Chapter 11: Alex and the Holy Grail (Part 2)

After running into the black knight we decided to split up to cover more ground. This is the tale of Alex and Fluttershy

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee!

Nee!

Nee!

Nee!

ALEX: Who are you?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the Knights Who Say... Nee!

ALEX: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: The same!

RAINBOW DASH: Who are they?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Pen, and

Nee-wom!

RANDOM: Nee-wom!

ALEX: Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!

HEAD KNIGHT: The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice!

ALEX: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods.

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee!

ALEX and PARTY: Oh, ow!

HEAD KNIGHT: We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us.

ALEX: Well, what is it you want?

HEAD KNIGHT: We want... a shrubbery!

[Dramatic chord]

ALEX: A what?

HEAD KNIGHT: Nee! Nee!

ALEX and PARTY: Oh, ow!

ALEX: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will

never pass through this wood alive!

ALEX: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return

with a shrubbery.

HEAD KNIGHT: One that looks nice.

ALEX: Of course.

HEAD KNIGHT: And not too expensive.

ALEX: Yes.

HEAD KNIGHTS: Now... go!

While they go to find a shrubbery the tale of Miss Fluttershy (I say sir very vaguely) while she passes through the Everfree Forest accompanied by her favorite minstrels.

MINSTREL (singing):

Bravely bold Miss Fluttershy, rode forth from Canterlot.

She was not afraid to die, o Brave Miss Fluttershy.

He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.

Brave, brave, brave, brave Miss Fluttershy!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed

into a pulp,

Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken.

To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away,

And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Miss Fluttershy!

Her head smashed in and her heart cut out,

And her liver removed and her bowels unplugged,

And her nostrils raped and her bottom burned off..

FLUTTERSHY: That's - that's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads.

Looks like there's dirty work afoot.

FANCYPANTS: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom.

WOMAN: Oh, Fancypants, forget about freedom. Now I've dropped my mud.

ALL HEADS: Halt! Who art thou?

MINSTREL (singing): She is brave Sir Fluttershy; brave Sir Fluttershy, who-

FLUTTERSHY: Shut up! Um, n-n-nobody really, I'm j-just um, just passing

through.

ALL HEADS: What do you want?

MINSTREL (singing): To fight, and-

FLUTTERSHY: Shut up! Um, oo, n-nothing, nothing really - I, uh, j-j-ust

to um, just to p-pass through, good Sir knight.

ALL HEADS: I'm afraid not!

FLUTTERSHY: Ah. W-well, actually I am a Knight of the Round Table.

ALL HEADS: You're a Knight of the Round Table?

FLUTTERSHY: I am.

LEFT HEAD: In that case I shall have to kill you.

MIDDLE HEAD: Shall I?

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, I don't think so.

MIDDLE HEAD: Well, what do I think?

LEFT HEAD: I think kill her.

RIGHT HEAD: Well let's be nice to her.

MIDDLE HEAD: Oh shut up.

LEFT HEAD: Perhaps-

MIDDLE HEAD: And you.

LEFT HEAD: Oh quick get the sword out I want to cut his head off!

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, cut your own head off!

MIDDLE HEAD: Yes, do us all a favor!

LEFT HEAD: What?

RIGHT HEAD: Yapping on all the time.

MIDDLE HEAD: You're lucky. You're not next to him.

LEFT HEAD: What do you mean?

MIDDLE HEAD: You snore.

LEFT HEAD: Oh I don't - anyway, you've got bad breath.

MIDDLE HEAD: Well its only because you don't brush my teeth.

RIGHT HEAD: Oh stop bitching and let's go have tea.

LEFT HEAD: All right, all right, all right. We'll kill her first

and then have tea and biscuits.

MIDDLE HEAD: Yes.

RIGHT HEAD: Oh, but not biscuits.

LEFT HEAD: All right, all right, not biscuits, but lets kill heranyway.

ALL HEADS: Right!

LEFT HEAD: She buggered off.

RIGHT HEAD: So she has, she's scarpered.

While she buggered off Miss Twilight was off in the swamps of Everfree

NARRATOR: The Tale of Miss Twilight.

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!

HERBERT: What, the curtains?

FATHER: No, not the curtains, lad. All that you can see! Stretched

out over the hills and valleys of this land! This'll be your kingdom,

lad!

HERBERT: But, Mother-

FATHER: Father, I'm Father.

HERBERT: But Father, I don't want any of that.

FATHER: Listen, lad. I've built this kingdom up from nothing. When

I started here, all there was was swamp. All the kings said I was

daft to build a castle in a swamp, but I built it all the same,

just to show 'em. It sank into the swamp. So, I built a second one.

That sank into the swamp. So I built a third one. That burned down,

fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up.

An' that's what your gonna get, lad - the strongest castle in these

islands.

HERBERT: But I don't want any of that - I'd rather-

FATHER: Rather what?

HERBERT: I'd rather... just...

[music]

...sing!

FATHER: Stop that, stop that! You're not going to do a song while

I'm here. Now listen lad, in twenty minutes you're getting married to

a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.

HERBERT: But I don't want land.

FATHER: Listen, Alex,-

HERBERT: Herbert.

FATHER: Herbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we

can get.

HERBERT: But I don't like her.

FATHER: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful,

she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.

HERBERT: I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have...

a certain... special...

[music]

...something...

FATHER: Cut that out, cut that out. Look, you're marryin' Princess

Lucky, so you'd better get used to the idea. [smack] Guards! Make sure

the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get 'im.

GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.

GUARD #2: Hic!

FATHER: No, no. Until I come and get 'im.

GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.

FATHER: No, no, no. You stay in the room and make sure 'e doesn't

leave.

GUARD #1: And you'll come and get him.

GUARD #2: Hic!

FATHER: Right.

GUARD #1: We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him

entering the room.

FATHER: No, no. Leaving the room.

GUARD #1: Leaving the room, yes.

FATHER: All right?

GUARD #1: Right. Oh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if, uh, if-if-if we...

FATHER: Yes, what is it?

GUARD #1: Oh, if-if, oh-

FATHER: Look, it's quite simple.

GUARD #1: Uh...

FATHER: You just stay here, and make sure 'e doesn't leave the room.

All right?

GUARD #2: Hic!

FATHER: Right.

GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uh, can he leave the room with us?

FATHER: N- No no no. You just keep him in here, and make sure-

GUARD #1: Oh, yes, we'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had

to leave and we were-

FATHER: No, no, just keep him in here-

GUARD #1: Until you, or anyone else,-

FATHER: No, not anyone else, just me-

GUARD #1: Just you.

GUARD #2: Hic!

FATHER: Get back.

GUARD #1: Get back.

FATHER: Right?

GUARD #1: Right, we'll stay here until you get back.

FATHER: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: What?

FATHER: Make sure 'e doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: The Prince?

FATHER: Yes, make sure 'e doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant him. Y'know, it

seemed a bit daft, me havin' to guard him when he's a guard.

FATHER: Is that clear?

GUARD #2: Hic!

GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear, no problems.

FATHER: Right.

[starts to leave]

Where are you going?

GUARD #1: We're coming with you.

FATHER: No no, I want you to stay 'ere and make sure 'e doesn't leave.

GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.

HERBERT: But, Father!

FATHER: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! And no singing!

GUARD #2: Hic!

FATHER: Oh, go get a glass of water.

TWILIGHT: Well taken, Spike!

SPIKE: Thank you, sir! Most kind.

TWILIGHT: And again... Over we go! Good. Steady! And now, the big

one...Ooof! Come on, Spike!

[thwonk]

SPIKE: Message for you, Miss.

[fwump]

TWILIGHT: Spike! Spike, speak to me! "To whoever finds this

note, I have been imprisoned by my father, who wishes me to marry

against my will. Please, please, please come and rescue me. I am

in the tall tower of Swamp Castle." At last! A call, a cry of

distress! This could be the sign that leads us to the Holy Grail!

Brave, brave Spike! You shall not have died in vain!

SPIKE: Uh, I'm-I'm not quite dead, miss.

TWILIGHT: Well, you shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!

SPIKE: Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, miss.

TWILIGHT: Oh, I see.

SPIKE: Actually, I think I'm all right to come with you-

TWILIGHT: No, no, sweet Spike! Stay here! I will send help as

soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own

particular... (sigh)

SPIKE: Idiom, miss?

TWILIGHT: Idiom!

SPIKE: No, I feel fine, actually, sir.

TWILIGHT: Farewell, sweet Spikee!

SPIKE: I'll-uh, I'll just stay here, then, shall I, sir? Yeah.

TWILIGHT: Ha-ha! etc.

GUARD #1: Now, you're not allowed to come in here, and we're-ugh!

TWILIGHT: O fair one, behold your humble servant Miss Twilight

of Canterlot. I have come to take - oh, I'm terribly sorry.

HERBERT: You got my note!

TWILIGHT: Uh, well, I got A note.

HERBERT: You've come to rescue me!

TWILIGHT: Uh, well, no, you see...

HERBERT: I knew that someone would, I knew that somewhere out there...

there must be...

[music]

...someone...

FATHER: Stop that, stop that, stop it! Stop it! Who are you?

HERBERT: I'm your son!

FATHER: No, not you.

TWILIGHT: I'm Miss Twilight, sir.

HERBERT: She's come to rescue me, father.

TWILIGHT: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

FATHER: Did you kill all the guard?

TWILIGHT: Uh..., oh, yes. Sorry.

FATHER: They cost fifty pounds each.

TWILIGHT: Well, I'm awfully sorry, I'm - I really can explain everything.

HERBERT: Don't be afraid of him, Miss Twilight, I've got a rope all ready!

FATHER: You killed eight wedding guests in all!

TWILIGHT: Well, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.

FATHER: I can understand that.

HERBERT: Hurry, Miss Twilight! Hurry!

FATHER: Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all!

TWILIGHT: Well, I really didn't mean to...

FATHER: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head!

TWILIGHT: Oh, dear. Is he all right?

FATHER: You even kicked the bride in the chest! This is going to cost

me a fortune!

TWILIGHT: Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north

from Canterlot, when I got this note, you see-

FATHER: Canterlot? Are you from, uh, Canterlot?

HERBERT: Hurry, Miss Twilight!

TWILIGHT: Uh, I am a Knight of King Alex, sir.

FATHER: Pretty nice castle, Canterlot. Uh, pretty good pig country...

TWILIGHT: Yes.

HERBERT: Hurry, I'm ready!

FATHER: Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink?

TWILIGHT: Well, that's, uh, awfully nice of you.

HERBERT: I am ready!

[starts to leave]

TWILIGHT: -I mean to be, so understanding.

[thonk]

HERBERT: Oooh!

TWILIGHT: Um, I think when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit,

uh, sort of carried away.

FATHER: Oh, don't worry about that.

HERBERT: Oooh!

[splat]

[wailing]

FATHER: Well, this is the main hall. We're going to have all this

knocked through, and made into one big, uh, living room.

RANDOM: There he is!

FATHER: Oh, bloody hell.

TWILIGHT: Ha-ha! etc.

FATHER: Hold it, hold it! Please!

TWILIGHT: Sorry, sorry. See what I mean, I just get carried away.

I really must - sorry, sorry! Sorry, everyone.

RANDOM: She's killed the best man!

[yelling]

FATHER: Hold it, please! Hold it! This is Miss Twilight from the

court of Canterlot - a very brave and influential knight, and my special

guest here today.

TWILIGHT: Hello.

RANDOM: She killed my auntie!

[yelling]

FATHER: Please, please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion!

Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. We are here today to

witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of the holy

wedlock. Unfortunately, one of them, my son Herbert, has just fallen

to his death. But I think I've not lost a son, so much as... gained

a daughter! For, since the tragic death of her father-

RANDOM: He's not quite dead!

FATHER: Since the near fatal wounding of her father-

RANDOM: He's getting better!

FATHER: For, since her own father... who, when he seemed about to

recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him,...

[ugh]

RANDOM: Oh, he's died!

FATHER: And I want his only daughter to look upon me... as her own

dad - in a very real, and legally binding sense.

[clapping]

And I feel sure that the merger - uh, the union - between the

Princess and the brave, but dangerous, Miss Twilight of Canterlot...

TWILIGHT: What?

RANDOM: Look! The dead Prince!

CONCORDE: He's not quite dead!

HERBERT: Oh, I feel much better.

FATHER: You fell out of the tower, you creep!

HERBERT: No, I was saved at the last minute.

FATHER: How?

HERBERT: Well, I'll tell you...

[music]

FATHER: Not like that! Not like that! No, stop it!

SINGING: He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

FATHER: Shut up!

SINGING: He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

He's going to tell! He's going to tell!

SPIKE: Quickly, miss! This way!

TWILIGHT: No, it's not in my idiom! I must escape more...(sigh)

SPIKE: Dramatically, miss?

TWILIGHT: Dramatically! Hee! Ha!

[crash]

Excuse me, could, uh, could somebody give me a push, please...?

Next time we will find out how Alex and Rainbow find the shrubbery.

* * *

**Please review and tell me your thoughts!**


	12. Chapter 12: Alex's Quest Finale

Fate Chapter 12: Alex and the Grail Finale

Last time Miss Twilight went to swamp castle to find clues on the Holy Grail, but was left "hanging"

Here is Sir Alex's and Miss Rainbow Dash's search for a shrubbery.

ALEX: Old crone! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy

a shrubbery!

[dramatic chord]

CRONE: Who sent you?

ALEX: The Knights Who Say Nee.

CRONE: Agh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.

ALEX: If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend

and I will say... we will say... `nee'.

CRONE: Agh! Do your worst!

ALEX: Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... nee!

CRONE: No! Never! No shrubberies!

ALEX: Nee!

RAINBOW DASH: Noo! Noo!

ALEX: No, no, no, no - it's not that, it's 'nee'.

RAINBOW DASH: Noo!

ALEX: No, no - 'nee'. You're not doing it properly.

RAINBOW DASH: Noo! Nee!

ALEX: That's it, that's it, you've got it.

ALEX and DASH: Nee! Nee!

FLIM: Are you saying 'nee' to that old woman

ALEX: Um, yes.

FLIM: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say `nee'

at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing

is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under

considerable economic stress at this period in history.

ALEX: Did you say `shrubberies'?

FLIM: Yes, shrubberies are my trade - I am a shrubber. My name

is Flim the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

RAINBOW DASH: Nee!

ALEX: No! No, no, no! No!

ALEX: O, Knights of Nee, we have brought you your shrubbery. May we

go now?

HEAD KNIGHT: It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly.

But there is one small problem.

ALEX: What is that?

HEAD KNIGHT: We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say Nee.

RANDOM: Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: Shh shh. We are now the Knights Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-

ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble.

RANDOM: Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: Therefore, we must give you a test.

ALEX: What is this test, O Knights of- Knights Who 'Til Recently

Said Nee?

HEAD KNIGHT: Firstly, you must find... another shrubbery!

[dramatic chord]

ALEX: Not another shrubbery!

HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must place

it here beside this shrubbery, only slightly higher so you get a

two-level effect with a little path running down the middle.

RANDOM: A path! A path! Nee!

HEAD KNIGHT: Then, when you have found the shrubbery, you must cut

down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... a herring!

[dramatic chord]

ALEX: We shall do no such thing!

HEAD KNIGHT: Oh, please!

ALEX: Cut down a tree with a herring? It can't be done.

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

HEAD KNIGHT: Don't say that word.

ALEX: What word?

HEAD KNIGHT: I cannot tell, suffice to say is one of the words

the Knights of Nee cannot hear.

ALEX: How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is?

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh!

ALEX: What, `is'?

HEAD KNIGHT: No, not `is' - we couldn't get very far in life not

saying `is'.

RAINBOW DASH: My liege, it's Miss Fluttershy!

MINSTREL (singing): Packing it in and packing it up

And sneaking away and buggering up

And chickening out and pissing about

Yes, bravely she is throwing in the sponge

ALEX: Oh, Fluttershy!

FLUTTERSHY: My liege! It's good to see you!

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

HEAD KNIGHT: She said the word!

ALEX: Surely you've not given up your quest for the Holy Grail?

MINSTREL (singing): She is sneaking away and buggering up-

FLUTTERSHY: Shut up! No, no no- far from it.

HEAD KNIGHT: She said the word again!

FLUTTERSHY: I was looking for it.

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

FLUTTERSHY: Uh, here, here in this forest.

ALEX: No, it is far from-

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

HEAD KNIGHT: Aaaaugh! Stop saying the word!

ALEX: Oh, stop it!

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

HEAD KNIGHT: Oh! He said it again!

ALEX: Let's go ladies!

HEAD KNIGHT: Aaugh! I said it! I said it! Ooh! I said it again!

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh!

So after a strange series of events the knights rejoined each other at the castle AGGH to find the Holy Grail.

ALEX: The Castle Aggh. Our quest is at an end! Celestia be praised!

Almighty Celestia, we thank Thee that Thou hast [something] safe

[something] the most-

[twong baaaa]

Jesus Christ!

GUARD: 'Allo, daffy English kaniggets and Monsieur Alex-King, who

Has the brain of a duck, you know! So, we French fellows out-wit you a

second time!

ALEX: How dare you profane this place with your presence! I command

you, in the name of the Knights of Canterlot, to open the doors of this

sacred castle, to which Celestia herself has guided us!

GUARD: How you English say, I one more time-a unclog my nose in your

direction, sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could

out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about

advancing behavior! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you

heaving lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom biters.

ALEX: In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred

castle!

GUARD: No chance, English bedwetting types. I burst my pimples at you

and call your daughter an unrequested silly thing. You tiny-brained

wipers of other people's bottoms!

ALEX: If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by

force!

[splat]

In the name of Celestia and the glory of our-

[splat]

Right! That settles it!

GUARD: Yes, this time and try

any more or we fire arrows at the tops of your heads

and make castanets out of your testicles already! Ha ha!

ALEX: Walk away. Just ignore them.

GUARD: No, remain you illegitimate faced buggerfuls! And, if you think

you got nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet! Daffy

English kaniggets! Thpppt!

ALEX: We shall attack at once!

RAINBOW DASH: Yes, my liege!

ALEX: Stand by for attack!

So, they attacked the castle and eventually captured the Holy grail but now had to cross the Bridge of Death.

ALEX: There it is! The Bridge of Death!

FLUTTERSHY: Oh, great.

KNIGHT: Look!

ALEX: There's Princess Luna from Scene 24!

RAINBOW DASH: What is she doing here?

ALEX: She is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. She asks each

traveller five questions-

KNIGHT: Three questions.

ALEX: Three questions. He who answers the five questions-

KNIGHT: Three questions.

ALEX: Three questions may cross in safety.

FLUTTERSHY: What if you get a question wrong?

ALEX: Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

FLUTTERSHY: Oh, I won't go.

KNIGHT: Who's going to answer the questions?

ALEX: Miss Fluttershy!

FLUTTERSHY: Yes?

ALEX: Brave Miss Fluttershy, you go.

FLUTTERSHY: Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Twilight go?

TWILIGHT: Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take her single-handed.

I shall make a feint to the north-east-

ALEX: No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on! Just answer the five

questions-

KNIGHT: Three questions.

ALEX: Three questions as best you can. And we shall watch... and

pray.

So Twilight walked up but instead of answering questions she was stopped by the princess of the night.

"STOP! He who wishes to cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, there the other side he see" Luna said in the olden Canterlot voice

"Luna what are you doing here?" Twilight asked with a slightly quizzical look on her face

"I'm just playing the part, sheesh give me a break" she said stepping aside to allow the others to pass "see you guys back at the castle" she called across "looking forward to it!" Rainbow replied back

On their way back though they had to stop at a cave with a fouled tempered rodent to kill so they could finish off the RASP agents, little did they know Celestia was laughing her ass off back at Canterlot because this quest was completely irrelevant.

Still they went to the cave of Kyre Banorg with the help of Shining Armor the enchanter.

SHINING ARMOR: Behold the cave of Kyre Banorg!

ALEX: Right! Keep me covered.

KNIGHT: What with?

ALEX: Just keep me covered.

SHINING ARMOR: Too late!

[chord]

ALEX: What?

SHINING ARMOR: There he is!

ALEX: Where?

SHINING ARMOR: There!

ALEX: What, behind the rabbit?

SHINING ARMOR: It is the rabbit!

ALEX: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!

SHINING ARMOR: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel,

and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.

FLUTTERSHY: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!

SHINING ARMOR: Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a

killer!

KNIGHT: Get stuffed!

SHINING ARMOR: It'll do you a trick, mate!

KNIGHT: Oh, yeah?

FLUTTERSHY: You mangy Scot git!

SHINING ARMOR: I'm warning you!

FLUTTERSHY: What's he do, nibble your bum?

SHINING ARMOR: He's got huge, sharp- he can leap about- look at the bones!

ALEX: Go on, Ace. Chop his head off!

ACE: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

SHINING ARMOR: Look!

[squeak]

ACE: Aaaugh!

[chord]

ALEX: Jesus Christ!

SHINING ARMOR: I warned you!

FLUTTERSHY: I done it again!

SHINING ARMOR: I warned you! But did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew it all,

didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well,

it's always the same, I always-

ALEX: Oh, shut up!

SHINING ARMOR: -But do they listen to me?-

ALEX: Right!

SHINING ARMOR: -Oh, no-

KNIGHTS: Charge!

[squeak squeak]

KNIGHTS: Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! etc.

ALEX: Run away! Run away!

SHINING ARMOR: Haw haw haw. Haw haw haw. Haw haw.

ALEX: Right. How many did we lose?

KNIGHT: Whooves.

KNIGHT: Braeburn.

ALEX: And Ace. That's five.

RARITY: Three, sir.

ALEX: Three. Three. We'd better not risk another frontal

assault, that rabbit's dynamite.

FLUTTERSHY: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

ALEX: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.

RARITY: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make

a mistake.

ALEX: I doubt that

RARITY: It was worth a shot.

So we were stuck there trying to figure out what to do when suddenly, Twilight had an epiphany

"Why would we need the blood of a foul tempered rodent in the Holy Grail to kill guys that we killed with bullets?" she asked

"You know, I never used that logic" I said looking around "Why are we still here? I don't know about you but I'm flying back to Canterlot" I said taking off "Yeah seeya guys" said Rainbow Dash and we flew back to Canterlot.

"I guess that means we're walking then?" asked Spike, who recovered from taking that arrow back at Swamp Castle.

"Guess we'd better get going then?" asked Rarity, getting up "K lets go" said Twilight.

And that, my friends is how the quest for the Holy Grail was brought to a close, lets just Princess Celestia is getting chewed out for this.


	13. Chapter 13: Take It a Little Slow

Fate Chapter 13: A Slowdown of Sorts

After returning from our completely irrelevant quest for the Holy Grail we decided to chew out Princess Celestia for poking some fun at our expense, although in retrospect that was some of the most fun ive had in a long time.

After Twilight and the others, along with myself of course, got back to the library we decided we needed to get away from the insanity that is Equestria at the moment so we needed to think about where we should go.

"I think we should back to Earth, it was about 20% cooler than here" said Rainbow thinking about the first time we went back. "Um maybe not, we almost died remember?" I said remembering the whole portal incident at Rick's house which got me here in the first place.

"I want to see this "Earth" place for myself" said Rarity, putting quotations around Earth. "Fine it's your funeral" I said fetching my bag and grabbing the portal out of it with my telepathy, which took a lot more out of me than I thought.

"Okay, let's go" I said trying to ignore my weakness as I stepped through the portal.

We came out in my old living room and I got up, seeing as I was weakened by that little magic, I decided to ask Twilight about it when we got back. I looked around and it looked exactly as it did when I last stayed in it.

"Yeah I look awesome again!" Rainbow exclaimed after walking through the door near her and looking in a mirror in my hallway. Rarity followed her exclaiming at her body. "I look FABULOUS!" she exclaimed, and she did. She had shoulder length light purple hair and a white dress with a purple jacket over it.

Fluttershy walked over to the mirror and gave a small "excuse me" as she looked in the mirror. She had pink hair going a little past her shoulders and a yellow blouse and a pink skirt on. Rainbow was in a blue hoodie with zipper in the shape of her cutie mark with blue hair and rainbow highlights on the front.

Finally, Twilight was wearing one of those school uniform things: white top, purple skirt and same shade of purple stockings. She looked around at the others and asked "now what?"

"Now, we go out and see what's happened since I left" I say shaking my head a little to clear my thoughts and I opened my front door "now why would we do that?" asked a skeptical Rarity behind me. "Would you rather stay here and be bored, or see Bay City in full?" I ask walking out onto my front porch "there's no point in arguing, come on girls" said Twilight walking out.

"Alright let's do this!" Dashie shouted, running out of the house "hey Alex, I'll race you to the park!" "You're on" I said, turning down the street "GO!" I shouted and we sprinted down the street, much to the despair of the others.

When we got to the park we stopped, caught our breath, looked at each other and broke down laughing in front of the Carroll Park sign. When we caught our breath we simultaneously said "I win" before she put her head on my shoulder and sigh and said" I love days like these" "What do mean?" I replied "just cloudy and warm, couldn't be better" she said.

We waited for the others to get there by talking about what we think happened since we left. Once the others got there I said "I don't know about you guys but I'm going to the library" and I got up and helped Rainbow up as well.

"Wait, you have a library and you didn't tell me? Where is it?" I pointed to the general downtown area. "LETS GO!" and she sprinted in that general vicinity. Rarity and Fluttershy walked in the middle and talked while Rainbow and I pulled up the rear.

"So I said 'pssh, you wish' and I kicked him in the shin and walked away" I told Rainbow as we reached Center Ave., the busy street on my side of the river. We decided to take a longer route so we could talk longer. As we crossed the street she put her hand in mine and we kept walking.

When we reached the other side she stopped and looked at me and I looked back. "So um when I first met you I was skeptical that you were anything besides a normal pony/human thing but after the whole hostage situation I realized that you are one special guy, and I really like you"

Fate. It can be a bitch sometimes, just like now. I realized I had three choices: tell her the truth and live happily ever after, eh no. Lie and break her heart, no too un-me. Or finally I could say nothing and probably regret it later. God I feel like I'm playing Mass Effect 3. I decided to tell her the truth: I like her back.

You see, I used to like Twilight but on the Holy Grail excursion we both decided it would be best to just stay friends, getting friend-zoned by one hot girl, or would that be pony? Either way I decided to tell the truth.

"Well I am very likable aren't I? Anyway not the point, ive never really been the romantic kind of guy but I really like you too" and before I could really finish my sentence she hugged me and I hugged her back, as it started to rain. "Figures" I said "come on lets run" and I took off with Dashie in close pursuit.

When we got to the library we were both soaking wet and laughing our butts off.

"We'd better shut up before we get kicked out of here" Rainbow Dash said calming down "oh yeah" I reply shaking my head to dry off a little, soaking Rainbow Dash in the process but oh well.

When we found the others, they were upstairs reading. Twilight was reading a book on the timeline of World War II, Rarity was reading a book on fashion design and Fluttershy was reading a book about caring for animals. I plopped my butt down next to Twilight and pulled out my book on the Battle of the Somme (SOM) during World War I and Dashie was reading an adventure book.

After about three hours (and a lot of complaining from Twilight) we left and went back to my house for the night. When we got back we decided we needed to give the girls fake names until we got back to Equestria, but we agreed to do it in the morning after we're all rested.

Rarity and Fluttershy took the sunroom in the back, Twilight took my brothers old room and I got my room while Dashie took my parents room. We all slept soundly and the next morning we prepared for the day ahead of us. I made breakfast, toast. Bland yes but it works.

The think I was most worried about is when we came across the meat eating aspect of humanity. I decided that they could find THAT out on their own. As we sat down to try to find out good names for each of the girls, a car crashed outside and exploded, sending shards of glass into my house.


	14. Chapter 14: The Unfortunate Accident

Fate Chapter 14: The Unfortunate Accident

The cars had gotten into a head on collision; dumb drunks playing chicken, and guess who lost? Glass flew through my front window and I somehow managed to use razor sharp reflexes that I picked up at PHAT training to cover Dashie from the glass. Rarity dived out of the way but still took some glass to the ankle, no big deal.

Fluttershy took glass to the shoulder but avoided serious injury, Twilight however, did not. She took a piece of glass to the leg, severing a major artery. I managed to get to her in time to cover and stop (somewhat) the bleeding.

Since those d-bags were outside the ambulance was already there, so we just loaded Twilight in there to get to the hospital.

"Sorry only family can ride in the ambulance" said the EMT "We are" I replied. "You're a pretty big family" he said getting in "eh, 3 sisters and a brother, not that bad" I say "fine get in" said the EMT and we were on our way.

When we got to the hospital I saw them take Twilight to the ER and I saw an injured soldier talking with who I assumed was his family and when he got a break I walked over.

"Hello" I said kinda nervously, kicking the ground a little "hi there son, what can I do for you?" he asked, I could tell he was injured because, even under his uniform pants I could tell he had lost a leg.

"I just wanted to say thank you for everything you've done for our country" I said as I held out my hand. He took it and shook it firmly "your welcome son" he replied

"What happened to your leg?" I asked sitting down in one of the chairs "oh that? My squad got ambushed in the sandpit and an RPG hit our Humvee and a piece of it crushed my leg" he looked down, sullenly "I still have nightmares from that night"

I put my hand on his shoulder and looked at him "I can relate to that, I lost some of my best friends in combat" I said

"Aren't you a little young to be fighting in a war?" he asked turning to me. I just smiled and said "man, ive been through more shit than you can think of, trust me, I can relate" "yeah, what happened to you?" he asked.

"I'd rather not tell the tales, I'd probably get sent to an insane asylum" I said with a laugh, he looked at me skeptically so I just shook my head and looked away. A few minutes later his family came back, so I helped him up and walked over to where Rainbow and the others were.

"Is there any word on her condition?" I asked sitting down next to Dashie "Well it's not life threatening, if that's what you want to know" said Rarity.

I let out a little sigh of relief and got up "I'm going for a run, anyone wanna come with?" I asked, no one stood so I just walked out and started to jog, thinking.

I ran for about a mile before I stopped to catch my breath. It was then that I saw the three goons walk up behind me. I knew who they were and that they were after me so I did the only I knew, I turned around, that's when I saw the gun.

I'm sure I could've disarmed him if I wanted, but he had people with him, so I just turned and ran. The first three shots rang out, that's when I grabbed my own gun. I stopped, fired twice, and kept running.

I hit one of the guys, but it wasn't fatal, so I turned and ran at them. The only reason I did that was because I knew that I had to get back to the hospital.

When I got back I didn't have to worry about pushing the door open, I just ran through the gunned out part. "DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST RUN!" I shouted to the others as I grabbed Rainbow's hand and pulled her up, Rarity and Fluttershy followed suit.

We ran into Twilights room and closed and barricaded the door, it was there I collapsed from exhaustion. When I could talk again the others helped me up and I began to explain what happened. Obviously it wasn't perfect but come on; I don't even know what happened.

After I described it we heard gunfire in the hallway so I pulled out my portal helped Twilight out of bed and ran through the portal, the others in close pursuit.

When we landed in Ponyville I looked around and sighed, everything was its dandy little self. Twilight, who was still next to me seemed to have healed and was looking around as well. The others were a few feet behind us.

Rainbow who was the first to talk asked "is everyone alright?" we all replied yes of course and I stood up and shook my wings as if drying off. We all walked back to the library, chatting it up I got a brilliant idea.

"Twilight is there any way to bring people or ponies back from the dead, in one living piece of course?" I asked, pulling her aside. "I'm not sure but I think so" she replied "good you look it up and then could you help me with something?" I asked.

…

"Um last time I checked you were a lot stronger than me at magic" she said "no, that was probably just adrenaline, I could barely lift the portal out when we left" I replied "alright, I will help you just meet me at the library" she said "as opposed to elsewhere?" I said as she walked away.

Once we got back the others had dinner and they left, me and Rainbow kissed, ok pecked, when she left, but of course Twilight saw. "You didn't see anything, now let's work on the magic" but she did see that and she had a wry smile on her face.

"Can we focus please?" I asked when she started laughing; when she didn't stop I walked over and Gibbs-slapped her and she stopped laughing.

"Ok let's do this" she said as she stopped laughing "now, magic takes energy from your body so you need to focus, until you're stronger then you can do the smaller things no problem" she said "now try to lift the brush" she said and she stepped aside.

I focused on the brush and began to lift it when Rarity burst in "TWILIGHT, TWILIGHT! Oh hello Alex how are you? TWILIGHT! I NEED YOUR HELP" she shouted making me lose my focus "hello Rarity, what's the big deal?" I asked.

"Opal is missing!" she said. "Really?" I asked "that's it?" "Oh but it is a big deal, she had my last diamonds on her collar, and I think the Spanish Inquisition was involved"

"Blimey I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition" I said [JARRING CHORD] "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!" shouted Michael Palin pony as Cardinal Ximénez.


End file.
